10 rules to follow after break-up

Ok, so the honey dewy love-glossed matinee show is over, the mauve tinted glasses have been taken off by the same person who put them up on your eyes, and you have hit the big B, and by no means I mean the great Mr. Amitabh Bachhan. The break up has happened, the "never-ending", "will always be there for you" love has come to an end. Hmmmm what to do now, or more important what not to do.If you are looking for agony aunts or uncles, this might be the time for you to turn away and ask it on Quora.
 denial, thats all we live in for initial days, and if you survive that safely, give yourself a brand new samsung tab, you deserve it(stop with the greed and dont say why not I-pad).

1. Avoid alcohol-Now dont go all cynical and pound on me, I am not saying to go all dry and not high, but limit your access to the doomed drinks and stay away from binge drinking. What did i hear?? come again?? aah u r talking about devdas or srk or dilip kumar...well they had the greatest advantage as aashiques, cell phones were not invented, mails were passed through pigeons and mark zuckerberg wasnt even born let alone fb or google. so you understand what am i trying to save you from, the deadly drunk call...you have few drinks, your mind is messed up bad, the first thing you do is call the sucker. even if you call to just say a simple hi, you will end up telling him/her how badly you miss them, that you are the same loser who got left(reasons not important). so to avoid these bloopers STAY AWAY FROM ALCOHOL!!!!! (for few months at least, then you can indulge...:P)

2.Delete the doomed digits- If you look at a wider picture, why carry the unwanted numbers and load your phone's memory with it(rather upload some cute pictures of Jessica Alba, Eva longoria, or Ian Somerhalder whatever works for you, you know what I mean when I say cute, dont ya???)  It is extremely unlikely for you to dial the 10 digits again and again , specially if you dont have the drunk excuse. Also if you are stoned you wont be able to dial the correct number and who knows you land up in some Johnny's phone rather than  your x-beloved Jasmine's. Also delete the messages, photos, mails, there is absolutely no freaking need to pile on. The message is DELETE THE DAMNED CONTACT.

3.Stay away from the happy couples- You might resent it and say they are your only hope in getting you back on your feet and the positive vibes from them blah blah will yadda yadda happy feelings. Bullshit!!!! with a capital B , when it comes to post-apocalyptic ooppps Post breakup state, most of the contemporary philosophies(well whom am I kidding??) alll of the philosophies fall flat as a bread on their freaking face.So instead of hanging around your engaged or married or would be married couples and making them uncomfortable get away from them. They will only make you feel super-conscious of your 'single' status and may be unintentionally , it will be in-your-face more than Eminem's urban poetry. You will be reminded of your 'happy days' in their proximity, even if they dont say a word and sit together, you will infer something memorable out of it. (Remember love stimulates same centres as pain does in brain...) Its sitting on a pin-cushion if you keep hanging with the 'couples'. (Remember Ted in How I met your mother?) The message -STAY AWAY FROM COUPLES.

4.Common sites- Now thats a pretty improbable thing to ask, but if possible stay away from the common sites 'you' visited as a duo. Now if you are working in the same office, GOD bless your blemished soul, but if not then scout for some new pubs, cafes( again, if your never-ending love story brewed in CCD or Barista, dear GOD bless you!!!!) To cut the long story short, shun, avoid , ban those old hang outs from you own life. If you live in a metro you will have no issues finding new bistros, pizzerias and delis. No, India gate doesnt commemorate your love and also Marine drive wasnt structured to remind those long hours you wasted discussing the non-existing future and other things which you could have invested in more productive things(and I dont mean making babies). Now dont go all teary-eyed and say "I meant it then"...the simple rule in Love-if its not forever its not love dude(whether its lust or misinterpretation is upto you to decide...:P) The message-STAY AWAY FROM COMMON HANG-OUTS.

5. Delete 'your songs'- Actually that should have been the first advice, 'in a relationship' all the duets appear as if they were belted out for you and only YOU..(SIRF TUM!!!) No sir, A.R.Rehman is not even aware of your existence let alone your belief in the fact that "Rehna Tu" is exclusively created for you. Neither did Pritam think of you while 'composing'(ahem ahem!) "Tu Jaane Naa..." Admit it, you relate every romantic song with you when you are dating, and as soon as the shit hits the fan all sad and tragic songs are all you hear everywhere. Remember there are 10000 people like you who are suffering from the same breakup syndrome(I am sorry to break the bubble of your unique love story). So the next best thing to do, delete them, erase them, do not listen to them for a lonnnnnggggggggg time(never!!!!) I know we are depriving ourselves of a sweet melody, but there are 100000 more songs to search, and who knows while searching for a new genre you might stumble on something mind blowing.The message is simple-DELETE AND NEVER EVER LISTEN 'YOUR' SONGS.

6. Make hard rock your BFF- This is a general destressing therapy I discovered in Medical College where long study hours can be grueling to the point of driving you mad. Also pile on the tantrums of college mates and always sarcastic professor, you have the perfect recepie for stressed mind and body. But not to worry when Asteria is for rescue. Think ACDC, think LINKIN PARK, think Metallica......Plug the earphones , max the volume and voila the screaming voices, the hard hitting drums fill your ears and soul only to clog out the thing eating away your grey matter. Well this works for every situation, and break up is no different. Whenever your mind starts wandering in the prohibited lanes of your blissful past, rush to the i-pod and drown your self in the raps of Chester and Eminem till the time you are not able to think coherently.MAKE HARD ROCK YOUR BEST FRIEND.

7. Abuse(In Private)- Come on, dont tell me throughout while  you two were together there never was a moment when you did not want to strangle the person with your bare hands. So, sit , meditate and remember all those times you got stood up on dates, forgotten anniversaries, the time when he/she ridiculed on your ignorance on something he/she masters. Remember all those times and thank god you dont have to keep wondering whether the plan for movie is still on or you will have to spend one more weekend alone. Just be careful of doing that in private, i mean use the glorious expletives in whatever language you prefer, but do that in confines of your home/bathroom/journal/blog. Your not complying to the rule of abusing in private may add loser to the already pathetic state of your persona in society. So take out those clandestine expletives rotting in some corner of your brain and start ranting..:) It will take time if you really really were in true, bollywoodisque type love but You will come around. ABUSE AND ABUSE UNTIL YOU ARE TIRED.

8.Steer clear of the 'single friends'- Okay you might jab me and say not to party with couples, not to stay with single friends, then where to bang your heads. Relax, there is a third species which you might not have noticed during courtship period. The breed which is single and not at all ready to mingle. You get me right?? The moment news of your break up is leaked with a cautious "Do not tell any one." Every single male gets a heads up, as if the fact You are single will improve their thin-as-a-sliver-chance of hitting on you. They take the whole and soul responsibility of consoling you(as if you needed the acid to pour on your burning heart, no heart burn is different..:P) They start dropping these Larger than life hints how they have always seen you as their soul-mates and blah, yadda, zabba. Well , beware of such species, specially girls need to be on look out for these prominent members of FOSLA. The iron is hot as you are most susceptible to a rebound, and the 'forever alone' friends think they will hit. If you fall prey to their non-existent feelings, you are adding catastrophe to already existing disaster.
STAY AWAY FROM 'SINGLE' AND READY TO MINGLE FRIENDS.

9.Learn to do things on your own-Now that you are clearly on your own, its high time you learn how to sync your i-pod with your i-pad or how to keep your pictures hidden from 456 friends on your facebook(yess, I have seen people who were totally unaware of the privacy option on FB until their respective bfs/gfs told them.) I am sure you must be having troubles but learn people, learn!!! Next time you date you will be the one telling the direction to the Joint. Also, now you will have ample time on your hands to watch those movies which were rotting in your hard disk, coz you are free from all this,
"Why hasnt he called me?"

"Is she with some one else?"
"Am I not good enough for him."

"Will she dump me like she dumped Rajesh, Suresh, Akshat??"

"Jaanu, first you hang the phone....no you....no you.....see you didnt hang it either, ok lets count to 1,2,3 and keep together. 1.....2.......3......see you did not hang it again..."

So ladies and gentleman do all those things you wanted to do but didnt coz your BF/GF wasnt interested. Go for Wine tasting, trekking, writing seminars while you are single, coz no matter how much you train yourself not to fall for someone else, you are bound to rebound with someone much hotter or smarter!! LEARN SOMETHING NEW.INDULGE.

10. Last and the most Important- There was that unique quality which made you fall for them, be it their intelligence, compassion, or their enthusiasm for new things. Remember them and try to imbibe those. Relationships leave an impact on all of us, so its better to keep the good and throw the bad. Take all those good things and discard else. You will be a better person.

If nothing works, either join some Sahaj yoga or hit your head with a hammer coz when you 'fell-in-love' you DID  serve your heart on a plate like a hamburger to the devil and asked him to slice through it multiple no of times.



P.S.. If people write about death doesnt mean they have died or if they express about rape doesnt mean they were raped. You get what I want to say.